| So..i relapsed..hopefully my outpatient rehab doesnt drug test me tonight...just to be sure im guzzling water all day. i don t know how this happened..i cant be doing this i have court and ill get sent to a psych ward if i fail a drugtest. im totally gonna be fucked if i keep this up but thats the thing i cant stop even though i want to (well, sort of, for now anyway). but god did it feel good to have cocaine in my system again, its such a beautiful drug. kills hunger and speeds the metabolism too, a wonder drug for starvation. i cant live with it or without it.
sigh
intake
b-nutrigrain bar-140
l-0
d-
total- |
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| starting a fast today, god it feels so great to be back. when i eat i just feel so disguisting, bloated and fat and gross, when im empty and light my self esteems better, i feel better, i have a reason to be alive, i feel perfect again. god i miss drugs though. it made it so easy and fast to lose weight. plus it just made life okay, made me want to live, kinda like starvation only x20. i dont know if i can do this sober thing...but of course i dont want to go to prison, i have a court date to worry about. i hate being sober though. what can you do. at least i have ana, she'll take care of me through it all.
intake:
b-0
l-
d-
total- (to be announced, better be 0)
stay strong girls |
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| Im baaaccckkk....been a long long time since my last post i have:
dropped out of school
gone to jail for possession of cocaine
gone to rehab AGAIN
gone to halfway house and been kicked out for doing pills
its been an eventful year in which time i have managed to
lose a lot of weight and then gain too much weight back. my current weight is 115. ew. my gaol weight is 90 pounds. god cocaine had me so thin and perfect and then i just HAD to go to rehab. so here i am, ready to start over. ready to stay strong and get thin. so hello everyone, i missed you all! |
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| nieman marcus shopping spree yesterday yessssssss. time to take inventory. i got:
marc jacobs top
missoni top
dolce and gabbanna top
dolce and gabbanna skirt
roberto cavalli skirt
seven jeans x3
prada snakeskin and satin pumps
dolce and gabanna chunky sandals
christian louboutin patent leather peep toe pumps
manolo blanik gold heels
emilio pucci blue sandals
pucci calfskin hat
hermes scarf
pucci handbag
prada handbag
2 new juicy couture charms for bracelet
versace pink slik dress
chanel makeup (lipgloss, eye shadow, blush)
i looovvvveeeee shopping especially when my parents have infintasmic money. plus i get thinner and look better in my clothes every day. remember food has no power over you. stay strong girls <3
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